Fantasy Football to Fantasy Fatherhood

Thursday, September 4, 2014

posted by Romy (@daddontlie)

From Fantasy Football to Fantasy Fatherhood

A fantasy scoring system for new dads

Thursday marked the start of the football season which means you've put in your fantasy football lineups for Week 1 of the NFL season. I've always enjoyed fantasy football out of all the fantasy sports, purely based on the fantasy scoring system: as an example, Quarterbacks getting 6 points for a passing touchdown, pass completions are 0.5 points, -2 points for sacks and 1 point for every 25 yards thrown, etc. Your quarterback's score compiled with the rest of your fantasy team can win you a week in fantasy football.


I enjoy the numbers game. As a rookie dad, my wife and I always discuss how our night went with our son Kyrie in the morning: frequently, the night is full of ups and downs, whether he slept through the night, required a wardrobe change throughout the night and so on. If I could only incorporate my rookie dad performance at night in a fantasy scoring system.

Welcome to the Fantasy Fatherhood league. The below scoring system is for all you new dads and the nights with your little one.

10 points - Sleeping through the night
My son hasn't been known to be the best sleeper, and I know a lot of new parents go through rough nights with infants, so if your child sleeps through the night with no wake ups, you get yourself 10 points. You're definitely lucky, or have earned it after months of sleepless nights, either way, I'm very jealous.

-2.5 points - Wake ups in the night
If your child wakes up through the night, that means you're not sleeping...so that's negative 2.5 points per wake-up. Get that coffee pot ready for the morning if you've been up multiple times.

-3 points - Diaper leakage requiring a wardrobe change
When it comes to putting on my son's diaper,  I can be pretty sloppy at times. Sometimes the diaper's too loose or it's not covering the most important areas which result in messy situations. There have been plenty of occasions where he woke up crying because both his PJ's and crib sheets were soiled, despite using overnight, extra protection diapers . If this happens to you, you're getting knocked 3 points off your score.

5 points - Getting to sleep on their own
My son often needs a back rub to get to sleep and if you stop the back rub and try to sneak out of the room, he cries. We have been trying to teach him to fall asleep on his own, so we normally rub his back for a few minutes and then leave him alone to put himself to sleep. It doesn't always work out, but if you're one of those lucky parents where your child falls asleep on their own, you're getting a bonus 5 points.

-2 points - an Angry Spouse
We've all been there, the baby's crying, your wife/partner has been up all night with the baby and you slept right through it. She wakes you up to tell you that you've been sleeping through the most disastrous night and have been no help. -2 points, and good luck in the morning.

1 point - Every hour you get to sleep
I've mentioned it before, sleep is like gold when you're a new parent. So any sleep you get on a nightly basis is a bonus. Some new parents only get by on 3-4 hours sleep on a bad night, so grant yourself one bonus point for every hour of that precious sleep.

So how did you do last night? My night last night looked like this:

Sleeping through the night           0 pts
1 wakeup in the night                  -2.5 pts
0 diaper leakages                           0 pts
Did not get to sleep on his own    0 pts
No Angry Spouse                            0 pts
5 hours total sleep                          5 pts

TOTAL FATHERHOOD SCORE FOR THE NIGHT = 2.5 pts ...not that impressive.

Stay tuned for additions to the #fantasyfatherhood scoring system. What categories would you add?

Romy is a dad, husband and blogger based out of Halifax.  He also writes about hoops too at HipHoopJunkies.com.  For dirty diaper stories,  follow him on Twitter @DadDontLie and for hoops talk, follow @RomyAquino